So the past few days have been extremely hard for me. Ignoring he who shall remain nameless is harder that I though. Its not that I can't ignore him, its just that the bleeding heart in me feels bad for him. I think it is having the desired effect, since he has appealed to a mutual friend, but its still taking a toll on me. I want him to realize what he has right in front of him and to fight for it. I want him to know that he cannot take me for granted and I won't ask "how high?" if he asks me to jump anymore. I deserve to be treated better than this. I'm not asking for the moon and the sky. I'm simply asking for him to be honest with me that is all I want.
I think the moratorium on speaking to him will remain until he himself can ask me whats wrong. I need for him to grow a pair and really really fight for me. At least for my friendship, because honestly I am worth fighting for. If he can't see that then we don't even need to be friends anymore and this will all be for the best. I just feel angry and frustrated and sad. I'm sick of this roller coaster of emotions that he has had me riding on for the past six months. It isn't fair that I have allowed him to control my emotions so much even if he doesn't realize he is doing.
I know that he isn't the only one to blame here though. I know I have my fair share of blame and guilt but I have tried to resolve this issue. Maybe I haven't done a good enough job but lets be real, relationships are a two way street.