So I was just watching this show on MTV called Awkward and the main character, Jenna, posed an interesting question. Is fate based on chance or choice? Fate has been an idea that I have contemplated for quite sometime now, but I've never really put it into this context. I would like to think that Fate is choice. Fate is active. One takes all the information available and makes a choice that may and can have far reaching and unseen effects. We would like to think that the choices we make will turn out a certain way but there really is no way of truly knowing that. And of course there are all the crazy things that life throws at us that we can't possible anticipate, but still I can't help but think that the choice me make put us in the path of those crazy things. My point is, do we choose the shitty things that happen to us? I'm afraid that I am making what I think are all the right choices but end up miserable in about 5 or 10 years.
I don't want to regret anything in my life. I want to make sure that I end up happy, but how do I do that? I feel like right now I am setting myself up for failure though. I have so many things that are stacked against me its hard to see all the good in my life. At this point I'm not happy. I have no idea where my life is going and where it is right now its a mess. I really need to pull my shit together and fast. I feel like I'm just I'm drowning. I just want to be happy.
I know I am a good person. I think I should be happy. I'm not asking for anything to be handed to me, but damn I wish I could figure out what I need to do to make my self happy. I'm tired of being miserable or being happy for only a short time. I just got back from one of the most beautiful places in the world and I should be over the moon. Why aren't I?
